20 June 2013

That Laura. She's So Classy!

Y'all, I am lazy. And I'm not just lazy. I'm the kind of lazy that would make a lazy person concerned. I'm convinced that this is why God gave me so many children. Now I never sit down. I roll onto my feet at 5:45 or six am and I don't sit down until eight pm. (Except today, when I spent one hour and forty-five minutes with a not-yet-insane Charlie Sheen in Wall Street.) I don't really miss being lazy anymore, but my mind does occasionally wander back to my incredibly comfortable dorm bed and the very long hours I could spent curled up in my king-sized flannel comforter watching wedding shows on TLC. Sometimes I find myself standing at the kitchen counter and daydreaming about what it would be like to lie on the couch for an afternoon, but now the only way I can do that is to be seven months pregnant with twins. So....no.

I may be on my feet all day long, but this baby weight is STUBBORN, friends. Many of my fellow moms take to running or DVDs. The minute I step out the door for a "run," I think to myself, Sweeeeeet...I can catch up on Facebook, call my mom, return some emails, watch the cars drive by, tie my shoes, sit on the curb, or maybe even run! I never run. Well, unless something is chasing me. That's rare.

So I go to classes. The only way I can possibly make it through an hour of exercise is if someone is watching me and thinking, oh, she's definitely going to leave early. Hush, wench! I never leave early! I mean, there are moments that I pray one of the kids will need me badly enough that I have to leave, but that's what I get for raising secure and self-assured children.

Spinning, Zumba, BodyPump, Jazzercise, Pilates, Yoga, Yogalates, you get the picture. I've done them all, and mostly love them all. Well, except BodyPump. That class was just full of screeching hens with flat tummies and large SUVs...not my scene. Unless you count the screeching hen part. I dig that. BodyPump was always packed and I felt bad taking up space when there was so clearly a "regular" group that would die without it.

Let's see...spinning. I loved Spin class. My booty was just gorgeous during my spinning phase. I had an English instructor and she yelled very politely. I think she lives about two streets over, but we don't go to that gym anymore due to a hellish kiddie room sitch.

Zumba. Zumba is for crazy people, and I mean that. I was a Zumba regular for many months, but about month four I was still just not picking it up. Nothing makes me feel worse than not being able to figure something out, but I never really feel bad about quitting, so I quit. Ha!

I liked Yoga, mostly because I'm wildly flexible and my balance isn't terrible. But I don't buy in to all the centering and meditating, so I'd sit there and compose blog posts and usually ended giggling out loud because I think I am the funniest person on earth. I'm just a huge distraction.

Pilates is the devil, so that was out pretty quick. I gave it about eight weeks of going three times a week and just kept feeling more dead inside. (Do you know that I still write out the word, if the number I need to write is less than 100? It's the grammatically correct thing to do and I'm pretty sure it's the one English rule I can't shake...looks like I was okay letting go of the rest...)

Now I'm doing Jazzercise. Jazzercise is definitely where it's AT. I'm paying $30 a month for unlimited classes with childcare and have the option of going to three different classes a day. The steps aren't too crazy and I'm getting a fantastic workout. The only real problem is lugging my litter into the gym, but the teenage girls who pop by to babysit them must be freaking magicians, because they haven't interrupted my huffing and puffing once. I'm pretty sure that if I wasn't the mother of these maniacs, an hour with them would drive me to insanity. The girls are good, but the boys want to be held every second they're conscious. Both of them, same time. And of course, what six-month-old naps in a racquetball room? Well, no one naps in a racquetball room.

So tonight I went to Jazzercise. That's really what all that was leading up to. Tonight there was an instructor I've never seen before, so it made the class that much harder, because I was trying to get used to a new "groove," as it were. Having to concentrate makes it a lot tougher, in my experience. And she was young. If it's a young instructor, I get my dander up and have to be all, look at me! I'm young and I love to work out! Stop looking at my belly! I've had five kids! So I go from wanting to be away from the kids for an hour to wanting to show some blonde girl that I'm ten times more energetic than she is, even though she really doesn't care one iota about my self-esteem issues.

The point of this is that tonight was the first night I didn't have to dial it back to lower-impact steps! Yay, Laura-mom-of-five-with-the-belly!

That was really a lot of chatter for one small declaration.

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