20 June 2013


That Laura. She's So Classy!

Y'all, I am lazy. And I'm not just lazy. I'm the kind of lazy that would make a lazy person concerned. I'm convinced that this is why God gave me so many children. Now I never sit down. I roll onto my feet at 5:45 or six am and I don't sit down until eight pm. (Except today, when I spent one hour and forty-five minutes with a not-yet-insane Charlie Sheen in Wall Street.) I don't really miss being lazy anymore, but my mind does occasionally wander back to my incredibly comfortable dorm bed and the very long hours I could spent curled up in my king-sized flannel comforter watching wedding shows on TLC. Sometimes I find myself standing at the kitchen counter and daydreaming about what it would be like to lie on the couch for an afternoon, but now the only way I can do that is to be seven months pregnant with twins. So....no.

I may be on my feet all day long, but this baby weight is STUBBORN, friends. Many of my fellow moms take to running or DVDs. The minute I step out the door for a "run," I think to myself, Sweeeeeet...I can catch up on Facebook, call my mom, return some emails, watch the cars drive by, tie my shoes, sit on the curb, or maybe even run! I never run. Well, unless something is chasing me. That's rare.

So I go to classes. The only way I can possibly make it through an hour of exercise is if someone is watching me and thinking, oh, she's definitely going to leave early. Hush, wench! I never leave early! I mean, there are moments that I pray one of the kids will need me badly enough that I have to leave, but that's what I get for raising secure and self-assured children.

Spinning, Zumba, BodyPump, Jazzercise, Pilates, Yoga, Yogalates, you get the picture. I've done them all, and mostly love them all. Well, except BodyPump. That class was just full of screeching hens with flat tummies and large SUVs...not my scene. Unless you count the screeching hen part. I dig that. BodyPump was always packed and I felt bad taking up space when there was so clearly a "regular" group that would die without it.

Let's see...spinning. I loved Spin class. My booty was just gorgeous during my spinning phase. I had an English instructor and she yelled very politely. I think she lives about two streets over, but we don't go to that gym anymore due to a hellish kiddie room sitch.

Zumba. Zumba is for crazy people, and I mean that. I was a Zumba regular for many months, but about month four I was still just not picking it up. Nothing makes me feel worse than not being able to figure something out, but I never really feel bad about quitting, so I quit. Ha!

I liked Yoga, mostly because I'm wildly flexible and my balance isn't terrible. But I don't buy in to all the centering and meditating, so I'd sit there and compose blog posts and usually ended giggling out loud because I think I am the funniest person on earth. I'm just a huge distraction.

Pilates is the devil, so that was out pretty quick. I gave it about eight weeks of going three times a week and just kept feeling more dead inside. (Do you know that I still write out the word, if the number I need to write is less than 100? It's the grammatically correct thing to do and I'm pretty sure it's the one English rule I can't shake...looks like I was okay letting go of the rest...)

Now I'm doing Jazzercise. Jazzercise is definitely where it's AT. I'm paying $30 a month for unlimited classes with childcare and have the option of going to three different classes a day. The steps aren't too crazy and I'm getting a fantastic workout. The only real problem is lugging my litter into the gym, but the teenage girls who pop by to babysit them must be freaking magicians, because they haven't interrupted my huffing and puffing once. I'm pretty sure that if I wasn't the mother of these maniacs, an hour with them would drive me to insanity. The girls are good, but the boys want to be held every second they're conscious. Both of them, same time. And of course, what six-month-old naps in a racquetball room? Well, no one naps in a racquetball room.

So tonight I went to Jazzercise. That's really what all that was leading up to. Tonight there was an instructor I've never seen before, so it made the class that much harder, because I was trying to get used to a new "groove," as it were. Having to concentrate makes it a lot tougher, in my experience. And she was young. If it's a young instructor, I get my dander up and have to be all, look at me! I'm young and I love to work out! Stop looking at my belly! I've had five kids! So I go from wanting to be away from the kids for an hour to wanting to show some blonde girl that I'm ten times more energetic than she is, even though she really doesn't care one iota about my self-esteem issues.

The point of this is that tonight was the first night I didn't have to dial it back to lower-impact steps! Yay, Laura-mom-of-five-with-the-belly!

That was really a lot of chatter for one small declaration.

16 June 2013

In a Bind.

Any mother of twins will tell you that the aftermath is horrifying. "Twin skin," as the veterans call it, isn't just a funny saying. I'm sure there are a few women out there who escape with a perfect body, but I have yet to meet them.

With my three previous pregnancies, my body wasn't too unkind, and things sort of went back to the right place. But hey, when you're carrying two babies and measuring almost 60cm around, you're going to have some fallout.

So...I'm eating right. I'm eating amazingly well. I'm working out 3-4 times a week and will be increasing to 6 classes a week, starting this week. But...it's not enough. Andrew and I went over absolutely everything I'm doing and it came down to, "You need to start wearing that thing." That thing being....the Squeem.

I was told to invest in a good-quality binder by many twin moms long before the boys appeared, and I bought a Squeem. This thing doesn't mess around.  I am just now getting around to wearing it, and I'm trying to wear it about 16 hours a day. Killer. BUT, it does help a lot with many of my post-baby issues. My posture after carrying so many babies is pretty much shot and the Squeem helps me stand up straighter, and my belly is held up and in very. It's about as comfortable as a compression binder could possibly be, so I'm managing. I wish I'd gotten more serious about wearing it before the 6 month mark! Here's to putting myself back together before December 14th!

I'm really hoping that this will help with the damage, because short of a tummy tuck, I'm not sure how much exercise will do for the weird and somewhat massive pooch.

Two babies at once is amazing, but it really is double the work to get back what you've lost - so much work I could Squeem!

Why I Love Pinterest. (And not for the reasons you'd think)

**I think Andrew edited this post somehow. It looks different but I can't put my finger on it.**

I've been working on my humility forEVER. That is probably why God graced me with twins and the inability to keep up the Super Woman gig.

Being someone who loves "having it figured out," Pinterest just spoke to me. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all about bettering my housewifeliness, but Pinterest is WAY more than that. I'd like to set forward the idea that there are "Stages of Pinterest."

  • Lack of Interest - This is the "What on earth is this Pinterest thing?" stage. I have many friends who are still here, but I'm trying not to write them off completely. 
  • Curiosity - But the world keeps on Pinning, and that seductive red P is everywhere. What's a girl to do?
  • Disgust - Right after you log in for the first time, you think, "This is just nutso. This website is going to turn me into a Mason jar-hacking Stepford wife." There is some truth to that. I think Andrew is stuck somewhere between curiosity and disgust.
  • Honeymoon - Then you figure out how to use it. Suddenly you're PINNING ALL THE THINGS! Wahoo! 
  • Deep Appreciation and Wonderment - This is the stage I'm at. It's sort of like the Enlightenment stage.  
I think I finally get it. For me, Pinterest is one of those things where I think, "Holy Crap, THIS is what the 21st century is supposed to feel like!" We live in the information age, and it's so easy to gather data and learn things. We're connected with the entire world at once. It's just mind-boggling. But being as it's so mind-boggling, I feel like my mind is boggled all the time. 

Enter Pinterest. You know when you were about 6 and your mom would say, "We're going up to have coffee at Julie's!" and you would sort of roll your eyes? "Just let me finish this cup. Just go play! I don't care how bored you are! Go climb a tree! There are five of you standing here - surely you can find something to do! Now go!" And a cup turned into a pot. Maybe more than one pot. Who knows what happens when those tricky moms get together.

Now that I AM a mom, I'm so well aware of the need to sit around and tell my kids to disappear so I can chat with my friends and catch up on some adult time. Only, we moved far out of town and I'm seriously being Gullivered out here by all these tiny people. My "girl" time is more often than not a quick text to Katie, chatting on gmail with Katherine, a call from Charlotte, a few minutes on Facebook. We live in a neighborhood with ZERO stay-at-home moms in our court, so life gets a little "blahhhhh..." Don't get me wrong - I'm a total homebody. I'd rather be at home than anywhere in the entire world. Going out just requires so much of me. Shoes...pants...brushing the kids' hair...tell me, is it really worth it??

Additionally, we live far from our family. We always have. My "village" is spread so far and wide that I really find many of my answers on the internet. All of those interesting little tricks I'd glean from grandmas, girlfriends, my mom, aunts and strangers all sort of come together on Pinterest. All of the arts and crafts my friends would otherwise tell me about? Pinterest. Advice on parenting, large families, meal ideas and crockpot recipes? Pinterest. Little snippets of inspiration and phrases to motivate? Pinterest.

It's the new Village. And I dig it.

Fathers day. Boys.

This fathers day is special because its my first w/ BOYS!!! Well, Miles pooped out but Max, he's got a little more fight in him today!

14 June 2013

I wish every day was Friday.

All of my children are sleeping. So now you know this will probably fall into the "drafts" pile of my blog and never make it out there for anyone to read. I have more drafts than published posts.

We're having company for dinner tonight. Super stoked! It was time to put the leaf back in the table anyway, since Mimi and "Uncle Boys" will be here in a week or so. Our table normally seats six and we have two highchairs off to the side, but with even two extra people, the leaf comes out and our table turns Catholic.

Speaking of, here's a weird thing. Yesterday I was at Jazzercise and my instructor said, "Hey, do you think Lucy would like this little tiny Bible? I mean, it's not Catholic or anything, but maybe she'd like to play with it. My son got it from Baylor and I have no idea why anyone makes Bibles this tiny." I was all, "Aww, how thoughtful! She love - wait - did you just make the assumption that I'm Catholic because I have very full minivan?" She did. OR she saw my 40 Days For Life bumper sticker and googled it. Clearly I need more bumper stickers. I think I'm going to slap Padre Pio on my bumper and let him preach for a bit. He's such a sweetie.

Speaking of bumpers, here's a funny one. I said "bum," the other day, and Lucy asked, "What's a bum?" I said, "oh, you know, toosh, booty, bumper, bum, bottom." Lucy squealed! "Bumper! Aunt Kasie says bumper too!" And then she got this weird look and said, "Wait. If  a bumper is a bottom and yesterday Daddy told me to tell you he put your cup on your bumper...how did you not know there was a cup on your toosh?" Er...I wish there was some sort of "freeze and change the subject" button I could push.

Speaking of changing the subject, yesterday the kids were in the bath and Lucy was holding Max on her lap and I was washing him. They die laughing every time he pees in the tub. Lucy asked me, "Why do boy booties and girl booties look different?" I was all, uhhhhhhhhhh...look! a leprechaun! I managed to collect myself and I just went with, "Because if boys and girls were the same, Mommies and Daddies wouldn't be able to make babies. Who wants ice cream!?" She totally fell for it and started yapping about peanut butter vs. mint chocolate chip.

Well, anyway, baby crying. That was fun. Let's do it again sometime.

13 June 2013

A school year later...

First day...

First day...


Last day! Back home for the summer!...

Back home with her girls...

06 June 2013

Miles is really freaking upset right now. Or as Grandma Susie would say, "upsot." You'd think she could do me a solid and send an extra angel to nuzzle the little guy, seeing as she's the one who got me into this double-the-love situation in the first place. Brb.

Well, in a strange turn of events, Miles is knocked out after his little freakout, and Max is now terribly upsot. Sheesh. Can't we all just get along?

We're sleep-training, can you tell? I hate to do it. I really do. I'd much prefer to just keep them in bed with me and nurse them and eventually lay them gently in their cribs where they'll sleep peacefully all night. That has happened with one of my babies, but she was exceptional. The others, well...I'm sorry, tiny people, but we all have to learn how to sleep. And for crying out loud (heh), you shared a womb. You can share a room. I think I'll letter that on a canvas. Adorable.

It's quiet! I'm just going to keep typing and hope that the silence contin - nope. Gotcha, Mama! Okay. Where was I?

Tomorrow is Friday. I've been 30 for one week. I have't slept much since turning 30. I should have bought into the sleep training two weeks ago. Then I could just start my thirties off right, with five children who know what's up. As it happens, I'm a terrible planner.

Andrew and Dog are in the family room attempting to sleep. I doubt they're getting much of it, but I have it on good authority that he took a couple Tylenol PM (Andrew, not Dog) and that may help. No sense in two of us wandering around like zombies tomorrow.

We have no plans for the weekend. If things continue like this, we'll be mucking through the next few nights and trading off for daytime sleep for most of the weekend. Being sleep training veterans, we've got The Plan down pretty well. I don't need as much sleep as The Daddy, so I usually do the night work. Since The Dad has to work tomorrow and I can moan on the couch and text Katherine about how tired I am, Thursday night is mine. I went to Jazzercise (dude, that class is killing me) tonight so that I could miss tomorrow morning, just in case things are truly dicey around here.

Kind of nice getting a little blogging in. I know it's been ages. I also haven't returned more than four emails in the past 6 months, so if you've received an email from me, you're highly favored. If you're waiting for an email from me, I would check your inbox in about 4 or 5 months.

In other news, Lucy is done with Kindergarten! Yesterday was her last day, so we spent today trying to get our bearings and not go insane. I think that by Monday things will be running a little smoother around here. Well, assuming everyone has slept more than a 1-hour stretch by then.

Okay. This is not going well. I need to Google.