28 January 2013

The House Rules

I just posted a "house rule" on Facebook and it made me realize how unique each home is. Our "non-negotiables" are kind of funny, so I thought I'd write down the latest set of Cooke House Rules as we settle in to life alone with many tiny people.

Rule 1: Do not mess up naptime. The doors are locked, the dog is silent and everyone is down for three hours. Failure to give mommy time to recover and refresh may mean that she forgets how much you like marshmallows as a late afternoon treat.

Rule 2: Do not make the dog run in the house. If the dog runs in the house it can be likened to the huge rock ball from the Temple of Doom. You will be crushed.

Rule 3: Don't let mommy catch you. Go ahead, rub soap all over the bathroom counter. Shove your Cheerios into your seatbelt buckle. I love it when you have fun and I really want to remain ignorant of who's to blame.

Rule 4: Anything can be cleaned or replaced.

Rule 5: Failure to use Victorian manners in public will result in immediate Mommy-eyebrow-raising. I don't really care if you're naked and screaming at home, but please represent my good name wisely!

Rule 6: shoes go in the shoe closet. If I have to look for your shoes, you may end up sitting in a shopping cart barefoot while the rest of your siblings pluck things off the shelves and howl, "mommy can we buyyyyyyyyy thiiiiiis!?!?!" Would you really want to miss out on that action?

Rule 7: Daddy reviews homework, papers and mail every night and is aware of EVERYTHING.

Rule 8: You must wear underwear. Minimum. We prefer more clothing, but underwear is the biggie. And if you try to make unreasonable demands while you're naked, the clothed person/parent/sibling will always win.

Rule 9: Failure to clear the table after meals will result in Mommy's inability to prepare the next meal.

Rule 10: There is nothing you can do to escape us. We will always be one step ahead of you, and we will track you down and do whatever it takes to show you how much you are loved. Nothing you can do is outside our love for you,  and nothing you can say will result in anything but more love. So if you're looking to run away or escape our evil clutches, it's hopeless. Mommy and Daddy are always there. <3

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