10 June 2011

Stream of semi-consciousness.

I'm so almost-not-conscious that I had to google how to spell "consciousness" and decided dictionary.com probably had it spelled wrong. I'm just going to let it go...I know it's been a long day when I have to look up a word spelling, because I can spell absolutely anything. I sound like a 5th grader bragging about my spelling...yes, I really am that good. I can spell.

Claire is in her Boppy snoozing next to me. Where did babies sleep before Boppies? I shudder to think they actually just slept in their cribs. No wonder my generation is so messed up...no Boppies. I also love that the word Boppy is capitalized and people actually say it out loud.

So, you REALLY wouldn't believe how many faucet pictures I sent out today. I hope that it totally takes off and peoople are like, "Oh, you never saw the faucet? I did - it was so funny! Too bad you didn't see the whole joke because we're aaaallllllways laughing about it." It'll be one of those cult things that people have heard about. I can't wait.

Andrew is on his way home from the Big City. I've been doing housewifely things for 48 hours. Sweet. I presume that most housewives don't do the dishes while their husbands are away. I have lots of friends who have traveling husbands and I hear it pretty regularly..."yep, once he's gone, I don't cook, I don't clean and I don't wear makeup." I just happened to be the idiot who said to her husband today, "Oh, I did the dishes so they'd be clean when you got home." Mostly thinking out loud. He responded with what could only be, Uhhhh....is this news? not realizing that I don't do the dishes at all while he's away. I totally fell into it and admitted I hadn't done the dishes since Wednesday. Fail. Laura + desperate phone call = failing to keep up the facade.

Oh, so, anyway, Andrew was off doing important work things. I don't really know what this means because I'm still not entirely sure what he does. Every time I ask and he explains, I go cross-eyed. So. Many. Acronyms. He's got a POE and an EEC and EKG from LET and needs a BT3 and ate a BLT and flew to NE for a 343...you get the gist. I know his job involves lots of "shalls" and "hereuntos." I also know that there are three people sharing a cube across from his desk. I can't even go into his office without a blood test, proof of citizsenship and my SAT scores. (And I didn't take the SAT...) I do know that last night he stayed at a hotel and ate dinner with TK. See? More acronyms. (Well, okay, kind of but not really. TK is a friend from college who seems to be hanging on into our adult lives. I was hoping we'd have some of those and I'm happy to report that TK is a good egg. Hi TK!)

Lucy just yelled from her bed, "Hey Mommy? I still have cake on me." I thought about this and said, "Well, where on you?" She replied, "On my ankle." Hm. Yeah...I just don't care. But I told her to grab a wipe anyway and clean off her ankle.

We had our friends over for dinner and a movie tonight - Lucy was so excited about her pizza picnic in front of Tangled with her friends! My absolute favorite moment of the night was when J walked up to me and said, "So...I ran into the wall with my cake." I asked, "Which wall?" She stares at me for a minute and says, "Your wall." Tee hee. Kids.

Oh, that reminds me of a cute Lucy-ism from yesterday. We were in the playroom playing "Animal Doctor" and Lucy said to me, "Let's play house!" I thought this sounded like a fantastic idea, as I was running out of animal maladies and Lucy doesn't know what hip dysplasia, prolapse (don't gooogle that) or hoof rot is. So I said, "Great!" Lucy started running around the room getting ready to play "House" and gave me a quick rundown of the cast of characters. She said, "Okay. You can be the mommy, I'll be the big sister, Molly will be the little sister and Claire can be the pretend new baby in our pretend family." Come again? Being the supportive and attached parent I am, I exclaimed, "That's such a creative family!" Sigh. Kids.

House inspection is done. It was a very decent and normal inspection for a house built in 1970. Now we send back our repairs and wait for Mr. Dream House to decide if he's going to fix them or risk us walking away. Blah. I'm still tracking down a ton of paperwork for our mortgage man, and Andrew is my fax-gopher. It's working well, but my brain is tired. I'm not used to do so many businessy things in one 72-hour period. I do things like...bake. Mop. Break up fights. Wipe tooshies. Scrub bathrooms. (You're right. I rarely scrub bathrooms. That reminds me that I wanted to clean my bathroom before Dreamboat gets home. That also reminds me that the bathroom is next to the bedroom, which is also in a bit of a shambles. But now it's 9pm. 9pm vs. keeping the domestic dream alive...ugh.)

I need Tylenol. But first, would you like to hear my little list of things we've come up with for house repairs and improvements? This will be strictly off the top of my head, so I may forget 15-20 bullet points.
  • Scrape ceilings - yum....popcorn!
  • Paint entire house
  • Replace carpet in bedrooms
  • Take out white railing on side porch. Maybe.
  • Replace all sliding doors with French doors.
  • Replace approximately 17 single-pane windows with double-pain awesome windows.
  • Replace 5 ceiling fans.
  • Replace master bath faucets. Or not. Giggle.
  • Remove obscene track lighting from living room and master bedroom.
  • Replace every light fixture in house.
  • Paint brass fireplace insert with black high-heat paint.
  • Move washer and dryer from kitchen (I know. Who does that?) to one of the bajillion closets in the master bath. Garage won't work. I tried.
  • Add screen doors and new flooring to back porch.
  • Add screen door to front of house. Just a cheapie that slams well. I adore that sound.
  • Paint exterior of house to something sexier than yellow.
  • Front flowerbed - new mulch, remove silk flowers and put in something....living. I have a vision of billowy sea grass, but can't find a picture. Turns out there are approximately 75,000 varieties of sea grass. (trust me, it'll match with the sexy exterior paint)
  • Landscape yard. That's a lot of yard.
  • Swing in tree.
  • Clean ductwork and repair small hole near a/c unit.
  • Figure out how to water an acre of grass without a sprinkler system. Grandpa? Are you reading this?
So, there's the short list. From memory. I'm sure the written list is ten times longer. Oy vey.

I need to go take more Tylenol. My jaw hurts and while I think it's sinus/allergies, all I can think about is my abcess and now I'm all freaked out. And here I never thought I'd actually wish for allergies. Bring 'em on!

Wow. My mind is clearly much busier than it feels.


Janet said...

I was wondering about the washer and dryer! I have a laundry nook in my kitchen, but it's cleverly hidden by doors. I will say it's handy when I just want to toss dirty bibs on top of the dryer.

Suzzy said...

i googled. i GOOGLED. I GOOGLE IMAGED! i wish i could unsee things.